So I am still doing yoga. Despite an injury scare here and there (unsafe conditions at Gold's Gym and my competitive nature getting the best of me occasionally) I am still fairly healthy and still very committed to my practice. I am also still hopeful that I will get to 365 by the end of the year. Ten classes behind is not horrible and summer should give me an opportunity to make up some ground. It has obviously been awhile since my last post so here is one the bigger things that have been going on in my head and/or on my mat. I will try to cover some of the other (relatively) interesting events in my next post.
The Great Teacher Training Debate
So Amsa will soon be hosting a teacher training workshop for students looking to become certified instructors or just anyone wanting to deepen their practice. I really, really wanted to participate in it and the decision to not has been a very difficult struggle. At first I thought it was not a possibility at all due to scheduling conflicts with my job as a teacher. Then some of the semester dates changed and it looked like I could do it with only missing two classes. Then I found out there was a weird mandatory retreat that teachers at my job had to go to. This retreat combined with the significant financial commitment I would have to make meant that it probably was not a good idea. Still though, my mind kept racing like a hamster on a wheel as I pondered different scenarios like "If I sold these collectibles and then claimed to be sick..." or "What if I move my exam date and hope the students don't complain and then get to the retreat late..." or "What if I fake my death and then use the insurance money to fund the teacher training...". Despite the lingering appeal of that last option (it solves both the money and the time commitment issues, what could go wrong?) the finality of the situation has sunk in and I am now left examining the way I reacted. There were a lot of reasons why I wanted to be a part of the training and some of them were healthier than others. Let's take a look:
1)I want to get better. That sounds innocuous enough, but the line between self improvement and self punishment can be pretty thin. A part of me was certainly hoping that the training would be a magical shortcut to all the poses that currently feel just out of reach or I don't feel I am doing well enough for whatever reason. I am sure that if I had been able to do the training there would have been improvement in my asanas certainly, but making a decision based on impatience is probably a bad idea.
2)I want to hang out with friends. I have been fortunate enough to make several friendships at Amsa and there are a lot of people there I wish I could spend more time with. Oddly enough, a lot of the students and teachers are a lot more relaxing to be around than most random people I interact with. So I certainly think that the desire to spend my time with other like minded and supportive people is a healthy impulse. However, I am also slightly worried that after the class some of the other students will not like me as much once they are more advanced. I know that sounds crazy out loud, but I am insecure enough that I can't quite banish the nagging doubt.
3)I want to eventually teach. Yoga is a huge part of my life. My profession has been teacher for close to ten years. It seems natural that the two would eventually combine. This blog and conversations with other yogis have convinced me though that teaching needs to come after I have my internal stuff much more together. I strongly believe that every good teacher is passionate about their material and acts as a model for the principles they describe. There is more to Rhetoric than writing papers and there is a heck of a lot more to yoga than the poses.
Hopefully there will be another opportunity in the future for me to participate in teacher training. Until then, there are plenty of opportunities for me to learn and grow and some lessons that only time can teach.
See you soon!
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